Terrible Not Quite Two's

The day after Luna turned 19 months she hit the terrible 2's. Go ahead, I know, tell me it'll get worse. lol Trust me I know it can. I babysat my little cousin. She was the worst! *I love the girl to death though!*
Luna has her own opinion about everything. She will babble, motion, and scream until she gets that opinion across to. :-p It's so funny whenever my mom & I are chatting around her. She will start to talk as fast & loud as she can. Just like she's trying to keep up with our conversation.
She has all of her teeth now, minus of course the 2 year molars.
Yes she is "STILL" breastfeeding. :-)
She is walking, running, jumping, dancing, singing, & climbing.
She says some words. Everyday she adds a new few on. Right now she is saying pizza over & over again. lol She loves her some pizza!!
She LOVES to talk on the phone.
She eats like a little piggie. I have no clue where she puts all the food she eats. I mean seriously, she can eat a 1/2lb of livermush by herself!!!
She asks "pease" for everything....... and I do mean eevvverything!
She is doing sign language along with talking. She can sign: milk, more, food, chicken, please, thank you, finished, sleep, & poop. I'm sure there are a few more that I just can't think of right now. She also says: please, cookie, boobie, dog, max, mimi, mamaw, pop pop, mama, mommy, roxie, cat, pizza, boot, blue, no & no way (her favorite thing to say). There are so many other things that she says, but those are the more obvious ones.
She is by far the sweetest baby ever. She always wants to cuddle. I love it! Right now she is rubbing my leg. She is getting sleepy :-p We got up very early today bc I have a well check up during what would normally be nap time.

A quick update on my own life: I know I mentioned the last post my separation. Some more info on that....
I caught him cheating & in the middle of a web of lies back in June last year. I was going to try & work on things, but the lies just kept coming. By August I had decided I was done. My heart wasn't in it anymore bc of the lies, cheating, emotional abuse, & controlling. I got out, & it was the best thing I could do for myself, Luna, & my sanity. September 23, 2011 my legal separation was finalized.
Flash forward to now....
I have met a wonderful guy. I met him online, I have no shame in saying that. We talked for a few months before I finally had the time to meet him. We had been, & continue to, Skype every night. That way we could see each other, & its as close to a date as you can get. lol I already knew I liked him, he had told me how much he liked me, & I knew I wanted to date him. All before we actually met in person. When we finally did meet those feelings just grew. :-D I am so happy with our relationship so far, & I hope those feelings just continue to grow. I see no reason why they wouldn't. We have a date Friday, & I couldn't be more excited!!! Oh well it's time for Luna to take a nap (mommy too). So this short update is over with.

-Peace-

                                                   Always stop to smell the flowers

                                                  This is from Luna's birthday in January

James & me

                                                                  At Riverbanks Zoo

                                                             Picture by my friend Jose

Update on Life

O_o geeees could I have waited any longer to post!? I think it's been almost exactly a yr since this last time I did. *sigh* It's not really that I forgot I just didn't want to deal w/ some stuff. Anyways!!
So update on my life, I'm separated. yeeeeeahh.... It's a long story & I'm not going to put it on blast where anyone could read it. I'll just say that I was done wrong to & I wasn't putting up w/ it any longer. I deserve better.
Now onto better things :-D Update on LUNA!!! (I mean that's what this blog is for, for the most part right!?) She has gotten sooooo big! She has 6 teeth up top & 2 on bottom. We've been dealing w/ her 1st molars coming thru the past couple of wks. She's dealing w/ it a lot better, but they are coming in so slow. She loves to feed herself. She looooves beans! She discovered ketchup & "dipping" this wk. lol She loves bread, meat, & well just about anything she can get in her mouth. She still isn't walking on her own, but she loves for you to hold her hands while she walks. I'm waiting on her to just take off one day, but I've been waiting on that for over a month hahaha. She's saying mama, bye bye, dog, meow, & a couple other things BUUUUTTT she doesn't say them a lot. She loves Adele, dancing, singing, & just going silly when any music is on. She is my little entertainer. :-D
I'll try to keep this updated more now that I have more time to get on here :-p
<3

7 Weeks Into Parenthood

So around 7 wks old I finally got Luna to start taking 1 nap during the day on weekdays. (She naps on the weekend anytime we go out.) I hate it though b/c if I'm not laying down with her, I know I know sleep when baby sleeps we'll get to that, I just have to let her fuss it out. I say fuss instead of cry not only b/c it makes me feel better about doing it but b/c she is just fussing not screaming out in pain or hunger. Ok now I don't sleep when she is b/c I always have clothes to put up or diapers to wash or something I need/want to get done. I also get PLENTY of sleep at night. I get into bed b/t 11-1 and sleep until 10-12. Luna wakes up around 4-6 to eat, and after that feeding she stays in the bed w/ me. After she gets that one good long stretch of sleep she wakes up every 2-3 hrs to eat. It's so nice BF'g b/c I can just lay in bed while she nurses, and usually I fall back to sleep. :-) (Don't worry ya'll she sleeping in the crook of my arm, and I'm extremely aware of her all night long.) I never thought that I would end up w/ her sleeping in my bed at all, but she's just that sort of baby. Some nights she's a momma's girl and won't even let my mom (Mimi) hold her. Doesn't happen too often though. Everyone asks me, "Gah how different does it feel to be a mom now?" Just in case you are also wondering how I feel.... well I feel the same! I'm still the same person, I have the same morals & values. I still feel the same about how I want to raise her, and what I expect of her when she's older. The only things that have changed are small things like me supplementing w/ formula, sposies, and letting her sleep in bed w/ me. I know I could double stuff her CD's and be fine through the night, but I'm a scardy cat haha. So needless to say I'm still using a sposie @ night since I don't change her diaper for about 12hrs. (HEY it says on the box "12hrs" so suck it lmao)
I will say her formula supplementing days are about to come to an end!! I bought a decent electric pump to replace my hand pump, and I've been able to get a lot more milk. Still not as much as I thought I would, but I am pumping later the evenings so that's why. The one time I tried to get up and pump early in the am after Luna's 1st feeding she woke up crying b/c I wasn't in bed with her. I only got 1oz out in about 5min. If I could've pumped a good amount of time then I would've gotten a lot then! lol I have about 14oz frozen now so I should be able to start giving her BM in her nightly bottle in the next few days & still have a good stash. :-D
On my CD's. Lemme tell ya I got scared to use them after we used sposies for so long. (She was too small for her CD's for the 1st 4wks.) Once I used them and washed them for the 1st time though... WHEW they were much easier than expected!! Its so nice. I don't even have that big of a stash, but I only wash diapers about twice/wk. Luna doesn't poo much so I guess that's why. Well that and since I'm using sposies @ night. One day I'll get up the guts to double stuff, and I won't be scared she'll leak pee in my bed. LOL

My Inverted Birth Story

*Disclaimer: This story isn't completely pleasant, and it will get a little gory w/ the details. The actual birth was fine, but it is what happened after that will blow your mind (for lack of a better way to say it) I'm also still fairly out of it, and I don't remember a lot of the birth. I'm sure I'll leave some minor details out.*


Sunday Jan 9 2011: I woke up around 5 or 6 am w/ horrible pain that wouldn't stop. I called Carlos through it thinking that it was just gas pains. I ended up being able to go to the bathroom, and I felt better. I got off the phone w/ Carlos, and I tried to go back to sleep. (I had only had about 2 hrs of sleep) The pains started becoming regular. I knew that I was starting to go into labor. My contractions were still fairly sporadic, 7 min then 10 min then 4 min apart. I timed them for an hr, and even though they were sporadic, they were close enough together that I felt I wasn't having false labor. I called my Doula, Brandie Mercer (who rocked!!), and she told me to wait about an hr, and she would call back to see how things were still going. I woke up my mom, by this time it was about 7-8. I sat on the couch and timed everything until Brandie called. They were still somewhat sporadic, but I could tell that it was really happening. Brandie and I decided for her to wait another hr before she came over. I took a shower and sat back on the couch until she got here.
Once Brandie got here she had me up walking around the house, it was much too cold to walk outside. The walking wasn't really helping too much. I tried to rest some knowing that I was about to go through the marathon that is called birthing. I'm not sure how long I laid in bed, but I do know that around 230 pm we headed to GWU track so I could walk better than here at home. I took a tylenol before we left b/c my back wouldn't stop hurting.
After an hr of walking at GWU my contractions became 5 min apart :-) This is what we were hoping for. To get some nourishment in me we ran by Italian Garden before going home. I ate 2 slices of pizza through contractions. We went home and waited until it had been a full hr of my contractions being 5 min apart.
Around 530 we headed to the hospital. On the way there we started calling everyone we could think of. I had to get antibiotics b/c I had tested positive for group b strep, so I was stuck in the small room where they check the babies heart beat for a little while. They checked me while I was in there and I was already at 7 cm. I was still feeling good at this point mind you.
I guess it was around 7 when I went to the labor & delivery room. There were a couple family members in the room which I didn't want, but since I was still feeling well & my contractions weren't coming more I was ok w/ them being there for a short while. Finally they kicked everyone out that I didn't want to stay there, and checked me again. I was at 9 cm. I'm not sure about the times starting at this point everything starts to mesh together.
I ended up getting stuck at 9 cm. The Dr's wanted to break my water, but I told them I didn't want that to happen. Not long after they asked to, my water broke on it's on. They had thought I was already at 10 cm, but after my water broke they could tell that I was still stuck at 9. I started getting worried that I might have to get pitocin or something to get me to 10 cm. Thankfully I got to 10 on my own. I think that this is when I went into Jan 10.

Monday Jan 10 2011: I had a hard time trying to push. I think that it had a lot to do w/ what happened later though. I believe that I pushed around 1.5 hrs, but I'm not really sure. I was finally able to get Luna's head out, and after a couple more pushes I got her all the way out. At this point my mom said that I was already starting to turn very white. I remember getting Luna in my arms. I remember pushing out the placenta, and I remember how it exploded out. I also remember the look on the Dr's face when that happened. I knew that something was wrong. I don't remember anything after this. It was about 10-15 min from the time that Luna came out until the time that I passed out. I had her at 220 am, and it was about 630 am when I left the recovery room.
Ok so here is what happened. When the placenta came out it was partially attached to my uterus. When I pushed it out it pulled my uterus w/ it and caused it to become inverted. Imagine my uterus being a circle and after the placenta came out it was a U shape instead of an O shape. I started loosing a lot of blood. My mom said they had a big trash bag under me and it was full of blood. The Dr tried to fix me in the deliver room, but he wasn't able to push it back up so they took me to surgery. I don't know any details about all of this except that the Dr told momma he would be back in an hr to tell her how I was doing and about 2 hrs passed before she found him. He told her that he thought I would be ok. They couldn't get my heart rate, and when they finally did it was 60/30. I vaguely remember being in the recovery room, and trying to talk and ask questions about Luna and myself. When I finally left the recovery room they kept me in the delivery room instead of a regular room b/c they needed to monitor me. It was good they did that b/c I had 2 more faint spells while trying to sit up in bed. I finally ended up having to get 2 blood transfusions, and I believe that the next day I still needed 2 more, but they didn't.
My blood count is normally above 12. Now it is down to 7.2 (still as I type this). I have no color to my face, and I constantly feel like crap. My hormones are going crazy, and I feel like I can't do anything. To add onto it b/c of Luna's feeding getting delayed she ended up getting Jaundice. We had to stay an extra night in the hospital so that she could stay under a bili light. We had to bring a small bili light home to keep Luna on, and it has made taking care of her a lot harder. The first night home was horrible. I hadn't had any sleep hardly since Sat night, and that was only 2 hrs before I started going into labor. Momma was nice enough to keep Luna all day Fri so that I could get some sleep. Although it still wasn't good sleep b/c I was up every hr peeing. My whole body is sore not only from birth, but from being stuck so many times and from being given so much fluid. I had 2 IV's, 1 in each hand. I got blood taken a zillion times. I almost died, and apparently it's really hard to bounce back from near death. Add on to that taking care of a newborn, and I feel like I'm going to go crazy.
Well anyway that's what all happened to me during my birth. Needless to say I'm scared to get pregnant again. Also, I know there is a lot more that I wanted to put on here, but my brain is shot all to pieces. I do want to say that I accomplished having a completely natural and drug free labor. I wouldn't have made it through everything had it not been for Brandie. She was absolutely amazing. She had me up walking, laboring on my hands and knees, and all sorts of other things that I wouldn't have done otherwise.

I hope that my pregnant friends that read this don't get freaked out about something like this happening to them. We talked to everyone at the hospital about what happened to me. One of the nurses said she had been working there for 30 yrs and had only seen an inverted uterus happen 3 times. So it's pretty uncommon. I had never heard of it, and I had been researching everything that could possibly happen.
Well I need to go shower and get clean. I might think of somethings to add to this later in a new blog when I have my brain back.

4 Weeks Left!

Yup that's right, I only have 4 weeks left!!! O_o This time has gone by much faster than I anticipated it would. Right now on one hand I'm glad it's gone by fast, but on the other hand I wish I had time to enjoy it more. Though I will admit most of it hasn't been too enjoyable. Right now I want little Luna to wait until at least the 11th so that Carlos will make it home. I don't want her to come too late though. I am ready for her to get outta there! I'm ready to be able to breathe, sleep, and move normally again. *sigh* I know the sleeping will not go back to complete normalcy, but surely it'll be more than 2hrs of sleep/day.
So Christmas is coming up, and I just can't seem to get that through my head. With all the construction (should be finished in one more day thank goodness), and baby stuff going on Christmas is the last thing on my mind. My thought process on it is, ok Happy Birthday Jesus You rock let's move on. lol We have no decorations up, maybe like 2 presents bought, and no true Christmas spirit in this house right now. We'll have a week to gain all that. Let's see how that goes haha!
Back to baby stuff: I had my 36 wk apt today and found out that I'm 2-3 cm dilated & 50% effaced. So hopefully that means she won't be a wk or more late! :-) She knows when she's ready to come out though.
<3

Cat Naps & Construction

So I feel like all I can get sleep wise right now are cat naps. I've been actually going to bed earlier (for me thats around 12-1am), but I sleep for 3 hrs and wake up. Right now I've been up for 3-4 hrs, and I'm finally starting to get sleepy again. It wouldn't bother me so much, not sleeping at night, if there weren't construction in the house right now. Hopefully after today they will be finished putting in the floors, and then I can sleep peacefully again! I swear it feels like the home make-over has been going on forever! It started with what used to be a "junk/computer/office/studio" room that is now Luna's room. Then we moved on to the kitchen where our old cabinets were ripped off the walls & replaced with new handmade wood cabinets. The old ones were compressed wood, and they were about to fall in. Now the floors are being redone. The carpet was ripped up from Luna's room, the hallway, and the living room. That quick step laminate wood flooring is whats being put down. It looks awesome! Most days I've been able to get a little sleep with all the banging, but today the guys started playing the radio. Let's just say that country music does not help me sleep at all. lol I popped in my headphones with my iPod and rocked out to Trans-Siberian Orchestra while I slept wonderfully. Luna really enjoys listening to TSO :-) (and Lady GaGa!!) I think that it's just the heavy beats in the music, but still it makes me happy that she calms down and seems to enjoy the same stuff I do. Of course give her a couple years and all she will want to hear will be The Laurie Berkner Band and others like that. Though I don't hate on Laurie Berkner. It was the one "kid band" that my little cousin loved to listen to while I kept her that I actually liked. Anyway I'm going to try to get a few more hrs of sleep before the guys come banging around the house. Here are some pictures of the progress so far (I don't have any good pictures of the nursery before):

Kitchen Before

Nursery after

Kitchen after

Floor so far

Get Outta My Ribs!

That's what I say to my little Luna nearly everyday now at least once. Amazingly, after some pushing from mommy, she usually moves out of them. Today is the first time that someone has actually noticed that I'm pregnant & said something to me about it. :-) That made me very happy. I haven't gained hardly any weight. I wasn't trying to not gain, but I haven't been going crazy eating every little thing I see either. I actually worry about not eating enough sometimes. In the 1st trimester I lost 5lbs, gained that back in the 2nd, and as of my last Dr appointment I have only gained 10lbs total. Nearly 5 of that is just Luna.

Today Carlos found out that he will be able to come home in Jan. for the birth. Though they are only giving him 10 days of maternity leave. Thank goodness he has almost 20 days built up so he can stay longer. We had been worrying that he wouldn't be able to come home b/c his unit is going to training for a month. Since his knees are messed up (thank you basic training, and Dr's that don't want to correctly diagnose) he can't go to the training. It's possible that he may not even be able to deploy w/ his unit when they go. We'll see how that one plays out though. If he doesn't deploy then I'll be moving a lot sooner than I had been planning on. :-/

I'm happy to say that finally my sick feeling nearly every time I ate has gone away. *knock on wood* I've been having some serious round ligament pain though, and that's driving me crazy! It's worse when I'm laying down on my left side. I can deal with it most of the time besides then.

I got a Doula!!! I'm helping her get 1 out of the 3 live births she has to attend to get her certification. :-D I'm meeting her on Friday. I have to get my days and nights switched by then lol. I'm naturally a night owl, and being pregnant has not helped that end at all. I can't wait to meet her though. I've talked to her on the phone & we've FB'd back & forth some. She is super sweet!

I can't wait until Jan so that I can meet Luna <3 It's going to be an awesome time indeed. Maybe she'll come on Jan 1 & be the 1st baby born in the County. HAHAHA That would rock though b/c you get all kinds of cool stuff, but I would prefer her to wait until @ least Jan 7 b/c that's exactly 1 week before her due date.
-Melissa

10 More Weeks... WHAT O_o

I know that I haven't updated this as often as I was meaning to but...... here goes a new one :-)
I ended up moving back in with my mom after a fainting spell in the post office. People were asking me who they could call to come pick me up, and all I could say was no one. Carlos was in training during that time, and as far as I knew couldn't answer his phone. After nearly 2 weeks of crying myself to sleep from depression that I could feel myself slipping farther and farther into, Carlos called my mom and talked to her. I had been talking to her also, and we all made the decision for her to come get me and ride back with me. I've have been put on Zoloft to help with the depression. Yes this is safe to take while pregnant. Of course nothing can be done for the hot flashes that are causing my faint spells. I was told that they will continue while I am breastfeeding. :-(
I started my childbirth classes a few weeks ago. They are very different from what I was expecting. Since I am going to the ones they have at the hospital I expected it to be all about breathing to ignore the pain and taking pain meds no matter what. I was completely floored when they were talking about natural childbirth, and that the nurses there are all for it. I was also amazed to find out that they will let you labor and birth in any position you like so long as there aren't complications. They have this bar that they can put on the bed so that you can get up in a squatting position. It's really cool. They also, well I don't want to say push b/c they tell you that it's ok if you don't, but tell us that it's best to breastfeed. I am so glad that they are such advocates for breastfeeding and even natural childbirth. They just explain that complications can happen, and that you should always keep your options open. I feel so blessed to live near a hospital with a great labor and delivery section! They even offer water births. THOUGH in the past 7 years there has only been ONE water birth. I've been told that it will depend on the Dr. that ends up being with me during the birth as to whether or not I will have that option open to me.

On an unrelated note. I ask for everyones prayers, please, for my family. We had a sudden death Monday night. My cousin, my moms nephew, was found dead by his sister. He lived behind my mom and me. He was only 35, and has 2 daughters ages 13 and 10. The initial autopsy is showing that it was heart failure. He was a great dad, musician, and person. He will be greatly missed. RIP Mark Hayes <3

Off Subject

I'm going to veer off subject just a little because I need to vent some stuff out of my brain. Though I know it won't help my thought process any, it will make me feel a tad better. If you would prefer to only read about pregnancy stuff then skip to the bottom. :-D

I have just moved to TX to be w/ my hubby. I thought that it was the best thing for me to do, but now I'm having huge 2nd thoughts. I've been here for a week, and I know that isn't long, but I just can't get used to being so far from my family. I thought this was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. I know that 1/2 of this is just being pregnant, and all those extra hormones, but I also know that part of it is how I really feel. I don't think, now, that it was the best thing for me to do. Uprooting myself 1/2 way through my pregnancy, and switching up everything that I was used to. I do believe that if I weren't pregnant I would be dealing with this 100x's better. Also, when Carlos deploys I'll be moving back home, and letting this house we have here go so that we can save more money. That will be less than a year from now, and his unit has no clue if they will be gone for just 6 months or for a year. I also found out last night that in Jan, when I'm due, he has training in a completely different state for a month. He may not be here when I go into labor. That upsets me so very much. I came here so that we could experience that together with no chance of him not making it to the birth. Now that has changed. My mom is coming here for the birth, but it isn't a given 100% chance that even she will be here right when I go into labor. I really don't want to deal with that myself. It's also hard coming into a community where everyone has been here for quite sometime, and pretty much stay to themselves. I have yet to meet anyone, though I will admit I haven't put myself out there any. Really I've just felt too depressed after getting here to want to do or go anywhere without Carlos. It's really hard for me to type this also. I don't want people to feel like I'm the big ol crybaby wife that no one wants to deal with, but I just can't help it. I've cried quite a lot since I got here, and it's just getting worse everyday. Carlos says he doesn't mind if I go back to NC, because he just wants me to be happy. I hate to do that though for more than one reason. I don't feel like packing all this crap up & driving back. Also, I don't think that it's fair to him for me to take away going through this pregnancy with me, but he also can't handle me being as upset as I've been.

Ok enough of that. On the subject of pregnancy: this little girl is kicking me like crazy everyday! She kicks down more than anything, and every time it makes me feel like I'm about to pee my pants. The name we've decided on is Luna Mackenzie. She is starting to keep me up at night when I'm trying to sleep, or waking me up very early in the mornings. Everyday her kicks get harder and more frequent. If she isn't a soccer player, or a runner, or something of that nature I will be surprised! Well it's relaxing bath time for me. Carlos is working weird hours for the next couple weeks so I'm on a his schedule, and alone all evening.

IT'S A....

GIRL! :-) I had my US yesterday. There were supposed to be 3 people going w/ me, but it slowly trickled down to just my mom. Which was great after we got to that room b/c it was SO small. It was amazing getting to see this booger finally, but she wouldn't stay very still. In fact she moved so much I have to go back in for another US, b/c they couldn't get a picture of her heart. *sigh* She's going to be a mover... and a runner... and probably a screamer. Oh well, it's what Im' prepared for since Carlos & I both were hyper active kids. Of course now we both like to sit around on the computer, but childhood... different story! Her HB was around 154 I believe. I was in awe so I don't remember exactly. Hopefully Carlos will get to go w/ me to the next US sound though since it's on the 30th & if he is coming home to help me move he should be back by then. I'll have 2 appts that day. My first is w/ my Dr, just a check up @ 10. The other is the US @ 2. It's going to be a busy busy day then. Let's just say I'm not drinking any caffeine this time, and I'm going to try to remember to not drink any the day before.

Everyone keeps asking me now what we're naming her. What names have we come up with. I mean we have one picked out that will (90% sure) end up being what we call her, but that doesn't mean I want to share it with the world right now. I still have almost 5 months to go, and the name could change at any given moment. We're also going to have a boy name picked out just in case. I've heard though that if they tell you it's a girl, then it's a girl. It's only when they tell you it's a boy that it can change.

Ok so now on to how I told Carlos. I decided that it was best for him and me to find out together, even though he couldn't be there. I had the nurse write down what it was on a note card, fold it in 1/2, and seal it in an envelope. The nurse also sealed the pictures of in between her legs. 2 hours later I finally got to open it on Skype w/ Carlos. Mind you my mom knew the entire time. She was the only one that did, besides the nurse. After I untapped the envelope I closed my eyes, pulled out the note card, opened it, and asked Carlos, "What does it say?" "It's a girl," was the answer he gave me. :-) I had to laugh in his face just a little bit since I was victorious in the "what sex is the baby game." Hey he started it!!

Long Awaited

So I haven't posted in a bit, but life has been hectic lately. Trying to get everything packed and ready for my big move to TX.
I've just started being able to feel how big my uterus is getting, and I have baby brain hella bad! I haven't really gained any weight except gaining back the 5 lbs I had lost. *knock on wood* I'm not sure if I've felt the baby yet, I think I have, but it's hard to tell. I'm strangely still comfortable laying on my tummy, which I've read is safe so long as it is comfortable. I've finally been able to eat fish again *YAY!* My birthday was this past Sunday, and I get the best present ever on Monday Aug 16. That's the day of my US, and I find out what I'm having!!!!! I've decided to take a note card & envelope with me so that they can write down what I'm having, show it to the people that I take, seal it in the envelope, and I'll open it on Skype w/ my hubby that night. I'm going to let him tell me what we're having. :-) That way he can feel like he is a part of it in some way. I'm so excited about that day I could burst. I'm almost as excited about getting a nice relaxing haircut 2 days later, but it's just b/c it is much needed! *they haircut & the relaxing* I'm not looking forward to the 18-20 hr drive, I'm staying the night somewhere not doing it straight, but I'm happy to finally be able to live with Carlos. We've been married for a little over 2 yrs and have only spend 3 mths of that living together to where we slept in the bed at night with each other every night. We spent weekends together some, and lived together with a weird schedule where he would be with me during the day, but not at night for a few months. Other than that we've been separated completely. We do so much better when we are together than apart. We're not good apart lol. We fight more. Though lately some of that can be attributed to my crazy hormones. They were crazy anyways, now they are just out there. Well goodnight blog. <3

:-D

Well I had an awesome two weeks with my hubby. He has now moved on to TX. I have decided to go on down there in Sept. I have made it 14 wks!!! I'm so happy. My mom took me shopping today & bought me some maternity clothes. I have to pay her back later, but still I was excited. This isn't going to be much of an update, b/c honestly not much has went on. I haven't really had too many changes except that I'm getting migraines a lot more & feeling nauseous again. I bought some pregnancy pops, so hopefully those will help some. I also am starting to get baby brain really bad. I can't type or txt well w/out misspelling everything! Well time for bed for me! <3

Pain in the back....

The only thing that has been going on with me lately is intense back pain. I'm hoping it will go away for a few months at least. This Friday, as in 1 day away now, will mark my 12 week mark!!!! It's so exciting for anyone to get through the 1st trimester, but for me especially. I was so worried about losing the baby, but once I hit that mark I won't have to worry about that as much. Plus, I finally get to stop taking progesterone. My 2nd Dr. appointment is Friday morning. It is with a different Dr. *pout*, but all my other appointments after that, minus the ultrasound, are with the Dr. I love! Oh according to my husband our baby is going to be super smart, because it is stealing all my intelligence. I was texting him one day and misspelling everything! It's like my fingers don't remember where the keys are on my keyboard lol. It is about the time for him to be heading out to TX while I stay my butt here in NC. He gets to come home for at least a little bit on Friday though. Thank goodness I'll get to see him before he flies out. I'm hoping that being pregnant will make the 5-6 months that we are apart go by a lot faster. I mean we are used to being apart, but close enough that I can drive down and bring him home or stay one night. I can't do that once he gets to TX. That's a 20 hour drive compared to the 3 hour drive we have right now. Crazy! I'm having to talk him into getting a webcam & Skype so that we can at least video chat some. He's going to get our house and everything in order before I ever get there. How nice :-) Well as much in order as he can without in furniture. We are going to wait until I go in February to move everything. That way we don't have to move twice, and I'll have plenty of time to save up the $$$$ that it will cost, because we are going to get people to do it for us.
It's driving me mad not knowing what I'm having yet though. I want to start buying clothes and just stuff so badly, but I don't want unisex stuff. I want to have gender appropriate things. Momma and Carlos both think that it's a boy, and they always say he this or he that. I always tell them to just hush because they don't know that. I feel like it's a girl, but I could be wrong. We'll find out in 7 weeks. :-D

A Psi of Relief?

I gave in and bought some Psi Bands from Earth Fare last night. My nauseousness has gotten to where I'll try anything for it to just go away. When I tried them on last night (they are almost too small) I didn't think they were working. I tried some ginger chews instead which made me gag more. They are super gross! Today before I left for my mamaw's I thought hmmm I'll just try these again, it can't hurt. Well I was able to eat & not feel too nauseous. Then they started to hurt just a little so I figured I would take them off. Boy was that a mistake! As soon as they came off I felt like I was going to be sick everywhere. I put them right back on and felt better in a few minutes. Now if you are wondering what Psi Bands are then here is a small description. They are wrist bands that use acupressure on your wrists to help ease off nauseousness. It depends on the person as to how much it will help. Unisom helps me at night, but it knocks me out so I can't take it during the day, and I haven't gotten around to getting any B6 yet to try. That's next on my list though. These definitely help. I mean it doesn't knock it out totally, but enough that I can get through my day a little better. I swear my nauseousness has gotten worse and worse for the past almost week now. :-/ At least that means my hormones are going up like they should. *sigh*

Heart Beat

So I've been pretty busy this week so I am just now getting a chance to post about my 1st Dr. visit, although I should be in bed. I was so sure I had an UTI, but when they checked me for it they said I didn't. It would've explained a lot, but the Dr. said that what was going on was totally normal. :-D Carlos got to come home for the appointment, thank goodness, after a lot of fighting and fussing with his Srgt. It was so amazing to get to hear the heart beat (173.88 bpm) & to see the little peanut that is inside me right now. *sigh* Carlos nearly started crying & I was speechless, just a happy smiling fool. Not a whole lot has been going on. I'm feeling a little more moody, & my tummy has gotten hard in the past week which is starting to make it uncomfortable to lay on my stomach for longer than 20min or so at a time. I have a feeling that soon I won't be able to lay on it at all. Which will kind of suck since I'm so used to sleeping on it. I saw my Aunt the other day. She is the only person in my family that doesn't approve of my husband. At least she is the only one that has told me so much. My husband is black & she thinks I'm going to hell for marrying him; yes she told me this about a week before we got married. Her, my mom, my gma & her hubby all went to eat for my gma's bday the other day & though my Aunt paid for my food, I might add she isn't my moms sister but my dads, she never said congrats or gave me a hug or anything when we were all talking about me being pregnant. I know I shouldn't care, but it just really hurts my feelings. She was always there for me my whole life. She helped take care of me & raise me when I was younger. I never in a million years would've thought she would end up being the one person to act like this, but I guess I'm seeing her true colors now that I'm older. Just goes to show you that you don't always know someone like you think you do even if they are family.

Oh Well

Well today I puked for the 1st time. :-(  I hate throwing up SO much. Everything I ate all day just went down my toilet. Poor thing, it was a lot of food. Glad I realized that I felt sick before hand though, b/c I was outside in my car on the phone. That's the first time in my life I've ever made it to the bathroom to puke. That's about all I have to say about today. :-/

Blugh

That about sums up how I feel right now. :-( I'm not sure if it was something that I ate earlier or if I need to eat a little something, but my tummy is driving me mad at the moment. Lots of burps & rolling & feeling oh so sick. I wish sometimes, as much as I hate it, that I would just puke. I think that it would make me feel better. *sigh* I haven't really been having huge cravings, yet, but I have had some aversions to food. I can't eat salads anymore, or much of the healthy food I had started eating for that matter. It makes me sad b/c I love salads SO much, but if I try to eat one as my meal I can only make it through a few bites before I feel nauseous. I've started wanting whole milk instead of 2% or skim. I usually HATE whole milk, and my mom says she really hopes that I don't continue to want it after I have the baby. So do I mom, so do I. I will be 8 weeks tomorrow. YAY! My 1st Dr. appointment is in 4 days. :-) I hope everything's going along like it's supposed to. Carlos is supposed to be getting to come home this Fri-Wed so that he will be able to join me at my appt, since it's the only one he will probably get to go to. He finds out tomorrow if his pass was approved or not. *fingers crossed* So far I can still lay on my tummy to sleep or at least mostly on my tummy. I haven't gained any weight, but I can tell something has gotten bigger down in there. lol :-D I'm not showing, just look like I've gained weight. At least that's what I feel like anyways. I feel like a big ol fat cow! hahaha It sucks being a plus size girl that's pregnant b/c I feel like I have to tell everyone that I'm preggo since they can't, and probably won't, be able to just look and tell. I hope I get a cute baby belly though b/c I want to get pictures made. <3 That's all for now. I'm going to go & try to not feel so sickish.

Decisions

I am trying to figure out if I want to stay here in NC for the pregnancy so that the baby can be born here & family will get to see it that otherwise wouldn't, OR do I want to move to TX when Carlos does @ the end of June & have the baby there. I really don't want to go through the riga-ma-row of trying to find a Dr & hospital that will conform to my needs/wants of a birthing plan. I also happen to have a Dr that believes in Progesterone & a lot of them don't. I strongly believe that I would've lost the baby had I not gotten on the pills when I did, so I want a Dr that will continue to prescribe me those for as long as I need them. I really am torn b/t my birthing plan/family, and being with Carlos. It's mainly some stuff that has just surfaced in the past week that is making me want to go with him. I am not going to mention anything on here, or anywhere, because he isn't ready for people to know yet though. I am extremely worried, and I wish I could talk about it, just to get it out of my system. I know I don't need to stress over it, but it's hard. It could be nothing, a fluke, or something random, but it could be something horrible also. I'm praying for a fluke. Trying to stay positive. It's the best I can do. That, and act like it's all ok when I'm around/talking to him, but I'm crying until I puke when he isn't near. :-/ It's in God's hands, that's all I can say about it, but sometimes I wish I had a cure for everything.

It's Back

So the past 2 days my nauseousness has come back 100 fold. :-/ I can be starving, but when I think of food I want to puke. When I eat it takes me about 1 hour to eat a veggie burger just so that I don't throw it back up. One thing that helps is not drinking while I'm eating. I've been trying to wait @ least 30 min before I drink anything. My mom is getting me some watermelon tomorrow, because I've read that it helps knock out the nauseous feeling a lot. I've also noticed my emotions are more out of whack than they were. It's like everything is a Hallmark Commercial or something & I want to cry my eyes out. *sigh* Last night I was having hot flashes/cold chills. That was horrid. I think it might have had a little something to do w/ me being sun burned also though. Today I got really light headed after I had to wrestle my dog away from the door when I had visitors. I also got a headache. Carlos googled it for me to see if it was normal (I was scared to walk b/c when I got up I felt like I was going to pass out). He said it was & that I just needed to drink some juice & lay down for a bit. So I got some OJ, laid down, and felt better after about 1 hour. That's about all that has been going on prego wise.

On another note if you guys that read this could pray for my Aunt. She had a stroke & is in the Hospital. We've gone to see her everyday & it seems like she is getting worse everyday. :-( She went from being able to eat a little to now not being to eat at all. Thanks a ton! <3

Mmmmm Fish

So I had a friend tell me on FB that I shouldn't be eating fish b/c I'm prego. Well to tell you the truth I've always thought this also, but a few months ago I was doing some researching and found out that you can! It's even GOOD for you to. :-) You just have to watch what kinds of fish and the amounts that you eat. You can have 12oz of LOW mercury fish per week. So today I had just that. Well I don't think it was the full 12oz, lol, but I did have some fish. Sushi yummy! The sushi I get is cooked. I'm still a little weary of trying the raw fish. Though I've read that Japanese women eat sushi during their whole pregnancy, raw & cooked, and their babies come out fine. O_o Anywho.... Here is the website where I found out what fish was ok & what wasn't. What kinds of fish you can have 12oz/wk and what kinds are just 9oz/wk and others that are 4.5oz/wk (technically the last two are /mth I just divided dwn into wks). It also tells you what fish to absolutely avoid! <3

Well I'm still feeling that weird bloated feeling. Not to mention my back/legs have been having shots of pain/uncomfortableness whenever I'm sitting up. I mean gah I used to think my back bothered me, but now... man o man. I've pulled my lower back about 3-4 times since last September & the last time was the worst. It happened about 1.5-2mths ago. I'm not sure if I was actually pregnant when it happened or not, but it was right around that time. It knocked me out in the floor to where I couldn't move. Then after a few days it went away. Then I got sick... like flu type sick w/ a high (for me) fever of 100.5. My normal temp is 97.6 or lower. Of course now that I'm prego its usually 98.6ish which just means I feel hotter and more sweaty everyday. *yuck* Anyways the Dr. on base gave me vicodin. I took 2 then, 1 later that day & totaled out to about 8 that I took. I know that some of those were after I was definitely prego. I took 1 a night or 2 before I found out. :-/ I just hope that it was early enough that it didn't harm the baby any. Of course I worry way too much about stuff like that. I know/heard of people that didn't find out until 3-4mths in & were drinking and partying & their kids are fine. So all I can do is just wait & see. I'm so anxious for my Dr Appt. O_O Well time to try & sleep.... *yeah right* Another thing that's happened to me lately, I'm sleepy allll day but then I can't sleep at night until late. Never when I want to around 11. Oh well.