Off Subject

I'm going to veer off subject just a little because I need to vent some stuff out of my brain. Though I know it won't help my thought process any, it will make me feel a tad better. If you would prefer to only read about pregnancy stuff then skip to the bottom. :-D

I have just moved to TX to be w/ my hubby. I thought that it was the best thing for me to do, but now I'm having huge 2nd thoughts. I've been here for a week, and I know that isn't long, but I just can't get used to being so far from my family. I thought this was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. I know that 1/2 of this is just being pregnant, and all those extra hormones, but I also know that part of it is how I really feel. I don't think, now, that it was the best thing for me to do. Uprooting myself 1/2 way through my pregnancy, and switching up everything that I was used to. I do believe that if I weren't pregnant I would be dealing with this 100x's better. Also, when Carlos deploys I'll be moving back home, and letting this house we have here go so that we can save more money. That will be less than a year from now, and his unit has no clue if they will be gone for just 6 months or for a year. I also found out last night that in Jan, when I'm due, he has training in a completely different state for a month. He may not be here when I go into labor. That upsets me so very much. I came here so that we could experience that together with no chance of him not making it to the birth. Now that has changed. My mom is coming here for the birth, but it isn't a given 100% chance that even she will be here right when I go into labor. I really don't want to deal with that myself. It's also hard coming into a community where everyone has been here for quite sometime, and pretty much stay to themselves. I have yet to meet anyone, though I will admit I haven't put myself out there any. Really I've just felt too depressed after getting here to want to do or go anywhere without Carlos. It's really hard for me to type this also. I don't want people to feel like I'm the big ol crybaby wife that no one wants to deal with, but I just can't help it. I've cried quite a lot since I got here, and it's just getting worse everyday. Carlos says he doesn't mind if I go back to NC, because he just wants me to be happy. I hate to do that though for more than one reason. I don't feel like packing all this crap up & driving back. Also, I don't think that it's fair to him for me to take away going through this pregnancy with me, but he also can't handle me being as upset as I've been.

Ok enough of that. On the subject of pregnancy: this little girl is kicking me like crazy everyday! She kicks down more than anything, and every time it makes me feel like I'm about to pee my pants. The name we've decided on is Luna Mackenzie. She is starting to keep me up at night when I'm trying to sleep, or waking me up very early in the mornings. Everyday her kicks get harder and more frequent. If she isn't a soccer player, or a runner, or something of that nature I will be surprised! Well it's relaxing bath time for me. Carlos is working weird hours for the next couple weeks so I'm on a his schedule, and alone all evening.